为什么我不建议对孩子说“考不好没关系”？一位心理学家的回答真相了
<p style="margin-bottom: 0px; outline: 0px; letter-spacing: 0.544px; white-space: normal; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); visibility: visible; text-align: center;" data-mpa-powered-by="yiban"><span style="color: rgb(110, 110, 110); font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.544px; background-color: rgb(242, 244, 245); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;"><br/></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0px; outline: 0px; letter-spacing: 0.544px; white-space: normal; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); visibility: visible;" data-mpa-powered-by="yiban"><span style="color: rgb(110, 110, 110); font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.544px; background-color: rgb(242, 244, 245); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;"> 在孩子心里，父母的“没关系”并非真的没关系。</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.544px; background-color: rgb(242, 244, 245); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; outline: 0px; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); font-size: 15px;">所以，孩子失落时，比轻飘飘的宽慰更重要的，是告诉孩子，我理解你，并且会一直陪着你。</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0px; outline: 0px; letter-spacing: 0.544px; white-space: normal; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); visibility: visible;" data-mpa-powered-by="yiban"><span style="font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.5px; text-align: right;"> 前些日子去表姐家，一进门就看到外甥满脸不高兴的样子。</span></p><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;visibility: visible;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;visibility: visible;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">原来外甥作业写得一塌糊涂，数学题连续错了好几页，表姐一检查完，气得火冒三丈，拿起作业本就是一顿骂。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;visibility: visible;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;visibility: visible;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">“整天吊儿郎当，不好好学习，难怪考试不及格！”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;visibility: visible;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;visibility: visible;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">一旁的姐夫看气氛不对，赶紧走过来当“和事佬”，一边劝表姐不要那么凶，一边安慰孩子：</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">“没事没事。咱学不会考不好没关系，到时读个厉害点的专业，学个一技之长啥的更重要。”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">看似很有道理的一番话，却让我听出了问题来。<br style="outline: 0px;"/></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">不想孩子因为学不好、考不及格自信心受挫，便告诉他“没关系”，这类的表达根本起不到鼓励安慰的作用。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">反倒会因为它背后暗含的“否定”，给孩子带来意想不到的打击。</span></section><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);text-align: center;line-height: 2em;"></section><section style="margin: 8px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">孩子没考好</strong></span></section><section style="margin-bottom: 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">瞎鼓励只会让他越来越差</strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">如今越来越多父母知道，孩子个性敏感、脆弱，平时不能太多打击、嘲讽和责备。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">于是习惯用“没事”、“没关系”这样的表达，打消孩子的紧张和恐慌，试图用无所谓的态度鼓励孩子再接再厉。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">只是，孩子听到这种话，会怎么想呢？</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">一场家长课堂上，主持人问所有父母一个问题：</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">“孩子没考好，回到家你的第一句话是什么？”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">现场的答案基本就两种：一种质问为什么没考好，另一种则开明地安慰道“没关系，下次努力就行”。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">表面上，似乎后者更能让孩子接受一些。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">为了验证是不是真这样，主持人邀请两位家长分别扮演父母和孩子，重现问题的场景。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">结果却发现，扮演孩子的家长，一听到“妈妈”说“没关系，下次再努力就行”这句话，心情没有觉得轻松，反倒感觉比被骂一顿还难受。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">这样的体验，经历过的人才知道。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">美国哈佛大学社会心理学家丹尼尔·魏格纳做过这样一个实验。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">要求参与者尝试不要想象一只白色的熊，可无一例外地，每个人的思维都出现强烈的反弹，很快就在脑海中浮现出一只白熊的形象。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">这个著名的“白熊效应”放在教育中同样适用：</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">越是不愿孩子放心上，孩子越在意。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">这在某种程度就是一种“负面强化”作用，常常把“没关系”、“不要紧”挂嘴边，非但不能给孩子正确的鼓励，还会让孩子越学越没自信，对学习和考试越抗拒。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.5px;outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;">不恰当的语言表达，对孩子的杀伤力远远超乎预期。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);text-align: center;line-height: 2em;"></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);text-align: center;line-height: 2em;"></section><section style="margin: 8px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">父母用意虽好</strong></span></section><section style="margin-bottom: 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">但孩子听起来完全不是一回事</strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">《陪孩子长大》一书中，作者盛琳表示：</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">“很多家长不知如何疏导孩子的情绪，为了不给孩子增加压力，不断提醒孩子‘不要紧张，放平心态’、‘考不上本科没关系’。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">其实这本身就是一种焦虑感。”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">之前广西一个男孩，期末考试“考砸了”。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">虽然父母口口声声说“没关系，不怪你”，可他还是受不了，直接拿了2400元现金离家出走。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">无独有偶。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">广东一个初中女学霸，考试失利成绩掉到前十外。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">结果听到妈妈和奶奶安慰自己“下次考好点，这次不要紧”后，竟气到把英语书撕掉，情绪崩溃。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">相信父母表达的初心用意是好的，只是在紧张的学习压力下，这些话只会被孩子解读为：</span></section><p><br/></p><blockquote class="js_blockquote_wrap" data-type="2" data-url="" data-author-name="" data-content-utf8-length="93" data-source-title="" style="outline: 0px;color: var(--weui-FG-1);font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><section class="js_blockquote_digest" style="outline: 0px;"><section style="outline: 0px;"><p style="margin-right: 16px;margin-left: 16px;outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;color: rgb(110, 110, 110);letter-spacing: 1px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;">“父母这么说，看来是已经不看好我，对我没信心了......”</strong></span></p><p style="margin-right: 16px;margin-left: 16px;outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;color: rgb(110, 110, 110);letter-spacing: 1px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><br style="outline: 0px;"/></strong></span></p><p style="margin-right: 16px;margin-left: 16px;outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;color: rgb(110, 110, 110);letter-spacing: 1px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;">“他们根本不懂，也不关心我，他们都看不出我有多在意难过。”</strong></span></p><p style="margin-right: 16px;margin-left: 16px;outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;color: rgb(110, 110, 110);letter-spacing: 1px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><br style="outline: 0px;"/></strong></span></p><p style="margin-right: 16px;margin-left: 16px;outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;color: rgb(110, 110, 110);letter-spacing: 1px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;">“我学习有困难，可他们只在意我考得好不好，从没想过给我支持和帮助。”</strong></span></p></section></section></blockquote><p><br/></p><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">别责备孩子喜欢想多，容易曲解父母话语的用意。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">越是对自己有高要求，被学习压得精神紧绷的孩子，越听不得这些无关痛痒的话。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">明明考试、学习是现阶段特别重要的任务，他想方设法让自己投入其中，逼自己和别人一样刷题、写错题本。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">结果父母一句轻飘飘的“没关系”，瞬间抹杀掉自己的努力。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.5px;outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;">不管多用心，言辞多委婉，孩子听到的尽是父母对自己的否定，从而滋生出更强烈的挫败感。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px; outline: 0px; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0.544px; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 2em; text-align: center;"></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);text-align: center;line-height: 2em;"></section><section style="margin: 8px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">促使孩子进步的</strong></span></section><section style="margin-bottom: 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">是他的底层感受、内在驱动</strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">著名主持人李小萌在畅销书《你好，小孩》中分享过一对母子的故事。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">儿子18岁以前，那位妈妈一直都住在老家，就算家庭拮据，她也没有抛下儿子外出打工，而是一直陪着儿子上大学。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">每天的生活起居，她都悉心照料，还常常关注到儿子的心态变化。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">高考前夕，儿子心情一度烦躁，静不下心学习，看的东西不入脑，便把腿绑在桌子腿上，逼自己看书。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">她回来一看，一边了解儿子这么做的缘由，一边忙着开导儿子，劝儿子别做这种傻事。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">每次儿子唱歌，就算跑调，她都不准别人说，为的是让儿子好好减压。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">十八年来，这位妈妈一直陪在儿子身边，“照顾孩子的情绪”。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">逗儿子笑，让他发泄情绪，让他减压，从不说任何一句类似“妈妈以后就靠你”的丧气话。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">正是她时常关注到儿子的内在感受，儿子高考前状态越来越好，后来不仅上了大学，还读了研究生，留在一线城市的高校当老师。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">父母教育孩子、培养孩子，最重要的不是靠外力的输出，指示孩子往哪里走，该干什么。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">相反，想要把孩子从挫败感中拉出来，得给他足够的温柔和尊重，看到他的需求，满足他，如此孩子才可能唤醒内在的动力管理好自己、支配自己的生活和学习。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.5px;outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;">真正好的教育，永远都充满正向积极的力量。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">父母切实的关注、体贴，正确的激励和引导，才是帮助孩子拨开云雾见月明的“神手”，让他愿意克服障碍、困难，积极主动探寻成长和进步的路。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px; outline: 0px; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0.544px; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 2em; text-align: center;"></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);text-align: center;line-height: 2em;"></section><section style="margin: 8px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">想让“鼓励”发挥真正的功效</strong></span></section><section style="margin-bottom: 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;text-align: center;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;">要这样做才对</strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">对孩子而言，学习遇到困难或遭遇其他挫败事件时，恰恰是获得成长的好时机。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">这时，父母不要毫不在意，不把孩子当回事，而要坚定地站在孩子身边，用正确的鼓励来支持他、引导他。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">1. 启发孩子合理宣泄情绪。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">很多孩子到了一定的年龄，并不擅长主动表达内心的负面情绪。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">这时父母别急着发表自己的意见，主动把“说话”、“发声”的机会交给孩子。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">比如在合适的时机下，和孩子单独沟通交流，关心孩子的心情和感受。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">如果孩子不习惯表达，父母可以试着现身说法，以孩子的视角分享自己失败时的感受，让孩子意识到：“我不可耻，我有权力失败。”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">当孩子听得进去，愿意去表达倾诉，就是给他的情绪一个出口，直面自己的心情。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">2. 模糊化孩子的“失败事件”。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">疏导完孩子的情绪后，要想从情感上安慰孩子，可以把“考不好”或者其他失败事件放在一个笼统的语境中描述。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">比如：</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">“考砸了、失败了是很正常的，人人都会遇到。”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">“没什么大不了的，一次失败而已。”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">不过分强调孩子失败的具体事件，让孩子简单理解为一次“挫败”而已，孩子能够更坦然接纳。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px; outline: 0px; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0.544px; white-space: normal; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 2em; text-align: center;"></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">3. 侧重于原因分析，肯定孩子的成长。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">孩子从感性的场景中恢复到理性状态，最需要的是知道自己问题出在哪里，接下来该怎么解决和避免。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">这时父母要放下自己的批判心，保持客观成熟的心态陪孩子分析原因。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">当孩子一步步认识到自己的问题，可改进的方面时，别忘了夸孩子一句“你现在看问题和之前又不一样了，真的是进步/成长了”。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">很多时候，孩子需要“教练式父母”给自己提供锦囊和方向。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">有父母手把手地教和示范，孩子才有更大的信心认定自己能行，下次遇到同样的问题能顺利过关。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);text-align: center;line-height: 2em;"></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">尹建莉老师说：“人生万事，得体的方式，才能产生良好的效果。”</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">孩子这一路的成长，要经历的事远比父母想象得多，如果不用心去感受和学习，一旦错过最佳的“保护期”，未来就很难指望他积极向上生长。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;color: rgb(5, 57, 81);"><strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="color: rgb(5, 57, 81);letter-spacing: 0.5px;outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;">用恰到好处的方式爱孩子，是每一个父母最大的自觉。</span></strong></span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">但愿我们都能把孩子的事放在心上，认真履行为人父母的职责，让孩子需要的时候有帮手，迷茫的时候有方向。</span></section><section style="margin: 24px 8px 0px;outline: 0px;font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Helvetica Neue, PingFang SC, Hiragino Sans GB, Microsoft YaHei UI, Microsoft YaHei, Arial, sans-serif;letter-spacing: 0.544px;white-space: normal;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);line-height: 2em;"><span style="outline: 0px;font-size: 16px;letter-spacing: 0.5px;">等他长大成人后，无论遭遇什么，都能自信满满、坚定不移地向前冲去。</span></section><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><link rel="stylesheet" href="// id="wcn_editor_css"/> “考不好没关系”这句话确实可能会在孩子心里产生意想不到的影响。有时候父母用“没关系”的安慰来掩饰自己对孩子学习成绩的担忧，但其实更重要的是理解和陪伴。毕竟，孩子们需要的是真正的鼓励和支持，而不是一句轻描淡写的安慰。希望父母们都能用更贴心的方式与孩子沟通，让他们在成长的道路上充满自信和坚定。😊 我觉得这个话题挺有趣的，毕竟每个父母都希望能够以最好的方式来安慰孩子，但是很多时候我们也许会无意中伤害到孩子。这个故事里的姐夫虽然是想安抚孩子，但可能并没有真正理解孩子内心的感受。我觉得，对于孩子的失落和挫折，理解和陪伴比简单的“没关系”更重要。你怎么看？😏 嘿，听这说法，也不全对吧。我小时候就没少被爸妈安慰，然后长大还不是照样自信地往前走。学习这玩意，不好办就没好办呗，咋能要求每个孩子都一帆风顺呢？嗯，我想，有时候适度地表达理解和鼓励，也挺重要的。💁♂️ 哎呀呀，这个问题可是猛的很啊！不提也罢！话说，孩子的成长，确实不能简单就地鼓励或者随便一帖“没关系”就了事。孩子内心的空间是无限的，需要我们真心的陪伴和理解。要想让他们茁壮成长，关键是要“得体”，不能让他们因为表面上的“宽慰”，深感挫败。帮助孩子走出困境，支持其敢于追求梦想和努力奋斗，这才是最重要的！嗯，不管怎样，与其说“没关系”，还不如用行动告诉他们，“我会一直在你身边支持你”才是王道！岂不美哉？😏👍✨ 真应了那句话，孩子是父母的镜子。一句“没关系”可能在孩子心里激起更大的疑虑，对吧？帮助孩子建立自信，敢于面对挑战，才是父母应该持之以恒的重要任务。👍 听说你们家“小不高兴”了，外甥好像遇到了点难题？表姐和姐夫对孩子的教育方式意见不一，看来父母之间需要加强沟通呢。不过，我也同意说“考不好没关系”可能并不总是最好的选择。不如好好理解孩子的感受，给予支持和陪伴，毕竟在成长道路上，有时候温暖胜于嘘寒问暖。希望你家“小不高兴”能早日振作起来，迈过这道坎！🙂 哈，嗯，看来做父母真的不容易啊。有时候想安慰孩子却反而会给他们带来更大的压力，挑错“表达方式”也是要小心翼翼的。要让孩子感受到，无论遇到什么困难都有人支持和陪伴，这条路走得更顺畅一些嘛。🤔 对对对，我还是支持这个心理学家的看法！有时候不该简单地用“没关系”来敷衍孩子，他们需要的是真正的理解和支持。要让他们感受到，不管犯错还是失败，家人都会默默支持着他们，一起度过每个人生阶段的挑战。帮助他们建立自信，指引他们走向正确的方向，才是真正应该做的事情。这样才能培养出有担当、坚定信念的未来人才，是吧？👍🏼
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